Can we really do that?

I was deeply concerned when a friend recalled a recent conversation she had been part of. A friend of hers was sharing how she was concerned that her disrespectful and disobedient child would become even worse in a few months when she received her drivers license. My friend asked, if her behavior was so bad, why was she getting her license. Her friend responded that at 16 kids get their license. My friend reminded her that she was the mom and she determined when the daugter was responsible enough to drive. Her friend said, "Can I do that?"

While I don't believe that the mom was truly asking if she was allowed to hold off on getting her child a license, it was obvious that she had strayed far from the idea of being in control of the freedoms her teenagers have. As parents, we must remember that our children answer to us and we answer to God. It is our responsibility to teach our children to live within boundaries and show respect. These are tools necessary to their future schooling, career, marriage, etc. When our children begin the transition between childhood and young adult life, parents need to begin to loosen the restraints and allow more choices and freedoms. This is done so that the youth has the opportunity to grow through succeeding and failing in a safe place. If the youth does well with the responsibilities and freedoms given, then more responsibilities and freedoms are added. If the youth does not do well, then the reigns are brought back in. This is not a "punishment", but an opportunity to teach.

Our children do not learn how to be adults on their own. It is by intentional parenting that we pass this wisdom down. Allowing them to fail at home, is a safe way for our youth to learn natural consequences. This also allows a time to teach into them in the areas they struggle. This is both our responsibility and our privilege. "Can we really do that?"...Yes...we HAVE to. Think about the consequences of not teaching through these issues while they are youths at home. Disrespect at home will become disrespect to a future employer and spouse. A lack of integrity at home will become a lack of integrity in marriage and at work. Would we rather have our child wait a few months to get a drivers license or lose a job or fail in a marriage. This is an over simplification, but it makes the point. Raising teenagers is hard work, but it is definitely worth it. We are investing in their future.

Please remember that we(the parents) are the ones in control. Our child is not an adult yet and the only way to grow into a successful one is if we spend the time and energy necessary to train him.